Fresh new shows that should, but won’t, be made

By Glenn Battishill

People say Hollywood is dead, as they seem to only be cranking out remakes, reboots and adaptations every two weeks. But even worse than Hollywood is television, where creativity has been shot in the street, left for dead and eaten alive by rodents.

Television is dead, with rare exceptions, as it now just spouts out the same five shows over and over. You’ve got your procedural crime dramas, predictable hospital dramas, your workplace comedies, the supernatural shows and your talky girl shows.

With so many shows desperately trying not to get cancelled, here are my humble submissions of hot new shows that any given network should pick up.

1)”Partners in Time”

A time-travelling robot and his female repairwoman accidently bring a velociraptor into the future and it becomes hyper-intelligent, learns to speak and becomes their friend. But the trio also lets out a second raptor, who also becomes hyper-intelligent and learns to speak. However, the second raptor travels across time and space, laying eggs and altering time in an attempt to take over the world. The trio then travel across time and space to stop the evil raptor from creating a raptor army and taking over the world.

The show is really humorous because of the zany personality the dinosaur has and the deadpan of the robot, with the girl, named Zara, being the stable one.

Who does this appeal to? Everyone. Honestly, time-travelling dinosaurs? Genius.

2) “You Give Love a Bad Name”

Allen Shepard loves his wife a lot. Which is why it’s so surprising when she turns out to be an international assassin. Allen is the only one who understands his wife and is tasked with hunting down his wife at the behest of the government.

During the show, Allen meets many people and learns more about his wife’s dark past and what it really means to love someone.

Who does this appeal to? Fans of family/relationship dramas.

3) “Modern Prodigy”

A struggling artist, James, is befriended by the old man next door only to discover that he is in fact Leonardo Da Vinci, who discovered the secret to immortality. Leonardo needs James’ help to gather ingredients to perfect his immortality potion and regain his youth, while James needs Da Vinci to help him paint. Also featuring James’ old flame, Sophia, who is now a doctor and has all the ingredients that James needs to steal.

James secretly falls back in love with Sophia and feels terrible for using her, but he also knows that he needs Da Vinci’s help if he ever wants to become a really great artist.

Who does this appeal to? Artists and medical drama fans.

And finally…

4) “Spatans vs. Zombies”

Xerxes is back, with a fresh army of millions of undead soldiers, thanks to the help of a necromancer. It’s up to the son of Leonidas and his Spartan army to stop Xerxes and save Greece once and for all.

Who does this appeal to? History fans and people who love gory violent shows with lots of arbitrary death and sex.

Obviously these shows would be the best things ever and it’s a real shame that networks lack the vision to pick them up.