I would like to start off by congratulating Cody White, Justine Ackerman, Glenn Battishill and Missy Loar for performing my duties when I could not. I was too ill to keep the contents already in my stomach there, let alone add more. Although The Zavarella looked almost as good as it smelled, I could not partake.

After reading what they had to say, I was proud they named the fifth “Secret Menu” item in honor of me. I will say, however, it was pretty funny listening to the initial thoughts they had about how to write such a unique piece. I heard something to the effect of:

“What do I write about?”

“Just write about being a man from America.”

“Oh, okay.”

Following those instructions, I’d say Cody passed with flying colors after he compared me, The Zavarella, to America; well done, Cody.

Mad props go to Glenn, who somehow got making out into the Secret Menu, like the playa that he is.

Missy, my fearless leader, combined America with the most in-depth review of The Zavarella, so what can I say? Wanna help me on the next one? Well, I’ll leave it up to her.

Last but not least is Justine’s review. Despite her thoughts of possibly dying, she is in fact, still alive after partaking in The Zavarella. Justine loved everything The Zavarella offered, especially the meat. Ha, that actually IS what she said.

In the end, I say A+. Thank you for sucking it up and eating something ridiculous.

 

The Cheesy Volcano

 

Ever seen “Poltergeist”? Well, I’m baaccckkkk. Like a trusty sidekick, my editing staff picked up the slack from when I was sick two weeks ago, when they pulled together and took down The Zavarella in the fifth installment of the Secret Menu.

Since I didn’t get the chance to experience the magic of Taco Bell two weeks ago, I decided it’s time to give, the uh, late night beverage drinkers and herbal enthusiasts something to munch on. I give you, The Cheesy Volcano. The idea came from Tom “Butters” Julian and I thank him for it.

This eruption of cheesy goodness is the size of my head. The shell is a Crunch Wrap Supreme but instead of just its usual ingredients, I opened it up and stuffed a Cheesy Double Beef Burrito inside, no easy task btw.

I would tell you the exact ingredients of The Cheesy Volcano, but let’s face it, when do we ever know what’s in our Taco Bell? It’s warm, it’s delicious and it’s cheap. I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty much all I need in my food life. Convo should probably take notes.

Despite its size, The Cheesy Volcano was actually surprisingly easy to eat. On the other hand, it was no easy task to put together. I ordered the two items separately and put it together myself. The grilled top of the Crunch Wrap Supreme came apart relatively easily but stuffing the Cheesy Double Beef Burrito inside was a lot like stuffing a marshmallow into a water bottle. You can do it but the mess is inevitable.

As far as the taste goes, I have to say it tastes like the usual Taco Bell entrée. Usually, Taco Bell simply changes the tortilla it serves cheese and meat in, so you really can’t go wrong. The Cheesy Volcano merely has more meat and cheese and oh, is it delectable.

One problem besides the work to put it together resides in the rice. It merely takes up space and doesn’t even taste good.

“At least it’s beef and cheese,” Justine Ackerman said upon hearing about the rice debacle.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Overall I give The Cheesy Volcano a B+. Preparation and rice prohibited The Cheesy Volcano from achieving true Secret Menu greatness.