As a self-proclaimed

therapist, I have conceived of a new mental diagnosis—Superiority

Achievement Disorder, or what you can call “SAD” for short. This

condition is prominent particularly among the over-achieving

college students who are so busy they make to-do lists as they

shower or go to the bathroom.

They are the ones

who, instead of bar hopping, frantically hop from meeting to

meeting. They have places to be, dammit, and don’t you

dare tell them it’s unhealthy to chug down a pot of coffee

regardless if it scalds their throats or that it could potentially

be hazardous if they are functioning on two-and-a-half hours of

sleep. Oh, and they are also taking “vitamin supplements” to give

them that extra boost throughout the day.

The most obvious

tell-tale sign of having SAD, however, has nothing to do with

appalling health habits. Instead, it has to do with what they

say.

Have you ever told

someone about your day? Of course you have. It usually starts like

this: “Today was really rough. I had two tests and a paper due, and

I didn’t even have time for a nap because I was busy working on my

paper right before I had to turn it in, which meant I also had to

skip lunch and now I’m really hungry.”

In response to this,

the friend’s part is to be a good listener and sympathize with your

college student woes. They might agree with you or throw you some

words of encouragement.

The person with SAD,

on the other hand, will probably cut you off midway through your

cathartic rant:

You: “Today was

really rough. I had two tests—”

SAD friend: “That’s

nothing. I had three tests, a 30-minute presentation AND an

interview with a potential employer for a summer job. Then I went

to my basket-weaving meeting and went to the lab to do some

research on cancer cells. I think I almost found the cure, by the

way. I haven’t eaten in two days and haven’t slept in three days

and I managed to squeeze in a 45-minute workout between

volunteering at the cat shelter and accepting the key to the

city…”

This accomplishes two

things. One, you feel like a deflated piece of crap because your

SAD friend clearly has it worse than you, basically revoking your

right to complain. Two, you also feel a jab of resentment because

your SAD friend looks so smug while she is prattling off her

obligations and her astounding ability to fulfill them. You’d like

to think you have it hard too, but victims of SAD will not let you

mope because they would rather have you marvel at their scholarly

prowess instead.

In reality, I believe

we all go through exhaustingly difficult times throughout our

college career. It’s all a part of the experience, unfortunately. I

also believe we have a little bit of the SAD in every one of us. We

tend to have this sadistic need to disregard others’ troubles in

favor of proving that we are the ones who are more stressed and

have an even crazier schedule than the next person. Basically, we

are inadvertently saying that we want people to know that our lives

suck more.

What could possibly

be the motivation behind such twisted, narcissistic behavior? I

couldn’t tell you. Maybe, by proving we are doing more things than

someone else, it makes us think that in some way we are better. The

fact that we are pushing ourselves more, immersing ourselves in

more than we can handle, might justify our decision to deprive

ourselves of an enjoyable college experience. We’ll look back at

our college years and think that it’s okay that we can’t recall

many exciting memories because in the end that’s what makes us

better than everyone else.

In any case, they say

the first step to recovery is admitting the problem. So here it

goes.

…Hi, my name is

Amanda, and I have SAD.