The Troop Center is located at Jack Miller Stadium, which surrounds the Fred Martinelli Field at the Dwight Schar Athletic Complex. Are you kidding me? Does the fact that Ashland University is a private, non-profit university, grant me the right to have anything I want named after me if I give enough money?

   How much will it cost me to have every piece of athletic equipment named after me? I don’t need any fancy plaques or giant statues. I’ll be good with a Sharpie and the key to the equipment office. Every athletic event from now on will be played with official Nick Zavarella equipment.

   Wait! If I gave enough money, could I sign each athlete!? The football players could be official Zavarella athletes competing with Zavarella equipment next to the Troop Center at Jack Miller Stadium on Fred Martinelli Field at the Dwight Schar Athletic Complex!

   Is it possible to buy air? All the fans could be breathing the Zavarella oxygen while watching the Zavarella athletes compete with Zavarella equipment at Jack Miller Stadium on Fred Martinelli Field at the Dwight Schar Athletic Complex. Hold on, that is probably pushing the envelope.

   Okay that is just ridiculous. Having my name attached to so many things is repetitive. Since I’m giving so much money, I could probably use whatever name I want. Here we go. The next time you want to go enjoy a football game at AU, think about this. You could be breathing the Hulk Hogan air, watching the Natalie Portman athletes compete with Optimus Prime equipment next to the Troop Center at Jack Miller Stadium on Fred Martinelli Field at the Dwight Schar Athletic Complex.

   Too much? Without a doubt. It was too much before I even started buying the air around the football stadium. The sad part is that the signing of athletes, as well as air, are probably in the works for the Ashland University official piggy banks.

  A thank you goes out to the baseball program here at AU. A brand new press box and scoreboard have been installed at Donges Field, but as far as I know, are not named after some rich old guy who wants to put his name on something.