At my weekly Secret Menu brainstorming session, I was running a little dry on ideas. I thought of making a snowball, making a Russian nesting doll, even closing my eyes and just grabbing whatever I could.

Then, I thought of something even better. How about a Secret Menu with a storyline? How about a Secret Menu secret romance.

That, my friends, is how all these foods hopped into bed (a cozy bean burrito bed) together. I call it Ménage à Taco Bell.

For the preparation, I opened up one bean burrito and let one caramel apple empanada and one crispy potato taco curl up together inside. Then a soft taco hopped on top, along with a pack of cinnamon twists and two packets of salsa verde.

Not wanting to miss out, two pieces of Eagles’ Nest pepperoni pizza spooned around the outside of the bean burrito.

The calorie count for this was a measly 1,930, but I blame that on a small wallet. Plus, I’m calling this a late-night snack.

Aside from being a little messy with the greasy pizza on the outside, this dish was very easy to eat. The size wasn’t much larger than a double-wrapped Chipotle burrito, and it stayed together the whole time.

While it was essentially a combination of random items from Taco Bell’s value menu, the Ménage à Taco Bell was delicious. It was a bit sweet from the caramel apple empanada and cinnamon twists and a bit spicy from the bean burrito sauce and pepperonis.

The flavors were also well distributed throughout the burrito, even though nothing was actually mixed up inside. I guess that just goes to show that everything in there really wanted to get in on the action.

The best part—especially as compared to last week’s secret menu—was that everybody inside kept it quiet once they got inside my belly. The pork skins in the Freshman Fifteen bowl weren’t nearly so kind (I don’t think they got along with their bowl-mates).

I did get ménage all over my face. This was probably the first time in 20 years that I needed my face washed after eating.

Was it worth it? Yes. These guys know how to get it on.