Glenn: The inherent problem with the Bils Battishill Brawl is that one of us is obviously better than the other at our respective hobbies. So this week I thought I would see what it would be like to actually compete at something we would have equal footing at… “Forza Motorsport 4” for Xbox 360. While it is indeed a video game, it’s one I’ve played for less than 2 hours and felt Chris and I could actually have a good time competing at.

Chris: I wasn’t getting my hopes up too much. Glenn has spent more time with an Xbox controller in his hand than most of us have spent doing, well, anything really. I do have some experience with racing games, however. I used to play “Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2” for PC. I loved that game, especially “Be the Cop Mode,” which is exactly what it sounds like. Seeing as I would be using a controller instead of a keyboard in “Forza,” I didn’t think my experience would come into play.

Glenn: I have never been a fan of realistic driving games. I prefer games like “Driver: San Fransisco” or “Burnout: Revenge” to traditional serious racing games like “Forza” but I thought I would give Chris a chance at a game where we would have equal footing. The course I picked was called “Iberian Circuit” and I let Chris pick our cars. He selected the 1994 Ferrari 512TR and we were off.

Chris: Woah, woah, skipping ahead here aren’t we, Glenn? What about the part where we did a race before that and I totally kicked your butt?

Glenn: In the interest of full disclosure we did a race where I had picked an outclassed car and while I would drive better than Chris around the corners and turns, he would speed away on the straight aways. He won that race narrowly and I was ready to accept that defeat but Chris being a good sportsman decided to let me give it another shot using the same car as him. Happy?

Chris: Not yet. I would have never agreed to a second race if I didn’t think I could win. I was really starting to get the hang of the game and I didn’t think the speed of my car really had as much to do with my first victory as the precision with which I took each turn. But I wanted to confirm my belief that I was better than Glenn at a video game by beating him a second time.

Glenn: Right out of the gate in the second race we had to restart twice. Because Chris couldn’t figure out how to change his camera… Don’t let him fool you into thinking he had mastered a game. As soon as we peeled off out of the starting line I darted in front of Chris, putting my car right in his way. A great strategy for a mostly straight course but unfortunately this course has a turn early on so I had to move to his right as we went around the turn. We slammed into each other on the straightaway and spent the next 20 seconds slamming into each other and trying to run the other off the track.

Chris: The thing you have to know about Glenn is that he does not have a driver’s license. He challenged me to a game based on a real-life skill that I have and he does not. Maybe real driving has no relation to video game driving, but it can’t hurt.

Glenn: Look, it’s just not something I ever got around to. Anyway, like I said usually the racing games I play give you points for slamming into your opponents. I am a perfectly capable driver in real life I just haven’t gone to get tested for it. Regardless, when Chris was driving us to convo from my apartment he got lost several times and literally took the worst possible routes. At least video games make me better at navigating.

Chris: This is the problem I have with the racing games that I’m always forced to play. There are always stupid point systems and unexpected obstacles that get in the way of the race. For example, when I play “Mario Kart,” it always pisses me off that I can be doing well and then all of a sudden I get knocked off the track by a stupid banana or some other thing that I never saw coming. I much prefer the arcade games where it’s just a standard race and then you’re done. As Ricky Bobby once said, ‘If you ain’t first you’re last.’ That’s how I like my racing games, and “Forza” definitely fit that mold.

Glenn: After we separated around the first turn we spent much of the lap neck and neck until Chris pulled a little further ahead than me on the final straightaway of the lap. I was desperate to get ahead and was gunning the trigger as hard as I could trying to get up to Chris.

Chris: I got a little worried after I took a bad angle on one of the first turns and went into the grass for a couple of seconds, allowing Glenn to get out in front of me. Fortunately, I was able to catch him by the end of the first lap and from that point forward I knew as long as I stayed on the road nothing short of a banana flying onto the track could prevent the first upset in Brawl history.

Glenn: Which isn’t to say I didn’t try to run Chris off the road a few more times. This is what actually caused me to lose the race for good. During lap 3 I took a corner really sharp with the intent of hitting Chris in the rear and causing him to spin out. In actuality, he narrowly missed me and the sharp turn made the rest of the race a game of catchup.

Chris: Remember how in past Brawls I said the only game I play on Xbox is FIFA? Well one advantage that I had in “Forza” is that it utilizes two of the main controls from FIFA. To accelerate, you hold down the right trigger (turbo button in FIFA) and to steer you use the left analog (same as FIFA). This may not sound like a big deal, but considering that my tiny brain reverts to FIFA mode every time my hands touch a controller, it was a huge deal. 

Glenn: I was surprised but not shocked that Chris was going to beat me at the Brawl. I was disappointed in myself but I also knew that he only beat me at “Forza” and that wasn’t really a game I cared about being good at. Besides with the first Brawl upset it just adds drama and tension instead of the standard series of victories.