Chris: For the second time in three issues, we have misled you by previewing a sport that we actually had no intention of playing. I know, I know, you probably think we were too stupid to realize that the Rec Center does not check out fencing equipment to amateurs or too lazy to trek all the way to Columbus for the Brawl. You would be wrong. We purposely made you think that we were playing something awesome and funny when in reality we were set on playing lacrosse and tennis. Or it was those things I said above. You be the judge.

Glenn: Prepare for a huge shocker when I say that I actually played on the varsity tennis team when I was in high school. That’s right, in addition to being the co-captain of the Edgewood Academic team I also played doubles on the men’s tennis team, with some degree of success. For clarification, I accidentally joined the tennis team. You are probably thinking to yourself “how do you accidently join a team?” easy; your friends say “let’s play tennis after school” and you think they mean just-for-fun but what they actually mean is let’s join the now-defunct tennis team since the entire team graduated the year before. I was at the first team meeting before I realized what was going on but I decided just to go with it because I actually like playing tennis.

Chris: Now for the even bigger shocker. In tennis, we have found a sport that he actually has more experience in than I do. I have played a grand total of three times, and the most I have used the tennis courts at my local park was to play soccer tennis, which is played just how it sounds. You play by tennis rules with a soccer ball and without using your hands. The only thing I have going for me? Athleticism. Sort of.

Glenn: As I picked up my borrowed racquet I noticed that it was the exact same brand, model and color as the one I played with in high school. It was much like a Jedi picking up his lightsaber after years of not using it. The nostalgia was strong with this one. My biggest problem in high school was that I wasn’t very good at serving the ball. Fortunately for me, I’ve managed to grow a few inches since I last played and was at a much more optimal serving height. 

Chris: As we started hitting back-and-forth to get warmed up, I was also finding it hard to serve. If you’re not familiar, in tennis you must serve from beyond the edge of the court and land the ball in an area that is one-eighth the size of the entire court. It is quite challenging, and I knew that I was going to have to pick it up fast.

Glenn: On my first practice serve I hit what was probably the greatest serve I’ve ever hit in my life. It was fast, gracefully, and most importantly, accurate. Naturally, it was during the practice round and counted for nothing.

Chris: The best part about picking up a new sport is that the learning curve is so fast. It’s like a baby horse learning to walk. At first it is really clumsy and awkward, but with every good step comes another and pretty soon you’re off and running. I wouldn’t say that I was running when I stepped up to take my first legal serve (in fact, I had just figured out what to use my legs/racket for) but I was starting to hit the ball cleanly and genuinely having fun. 

Glenn: As Chris was getting better, I was clearly getting worse. My serves were no longer landing where they should and Chris was starting to hit more accurately.  

Chris: My competitive juices were kicking in. After what happened in lacrosse, I was determined never to lose to Glenn in a sport again. Since this is the last Brawl (I know, try to hold it together), beating him in tennis would accomplish that goal. 

Glenn: There comes a point in every sport-related brawl that I just give up. My lack of athleticism usually forces me to since I’ve generally run out of steam after some mild physical activity. Tennis was something of an exception. I kept trying to serve better. I kept running for the ball. But, as has been the case in my entire sport career, I just wasn’t good enough to keep up.

Chris: Seeing the fight in Glenn’s eyes was somewhat inspiring. But obviously, since I am a ginger, my soulless instinct was to rip all hope away from him. 15-love (I never understood why they call zero “love” in tennis. As a soccer fan, I’m all for using a different word than zero, as they do with “nil,” but “love” seems a bit off. I don’t think anyone loves scoring zero points. Maybe it is meant to soften the blow of hearing your suckish score said aloud), 30-love, 40-love, game. I was rolling. Despite a few missed first serves, I recovered and landed it in the square on the second serve each time and even when Glenn was able to return I was there to hit it right back. I was starting to get a little hitch in my step, and I think Glenn noticed.

Glenn: As accustomed as I am to losing Brawls, I am more accustomed to losing at tennis. As Chris started turning into a tennis player I started slouching back into regular sports-Glenn. Soon, none of my serves were making over the net and a majority of the points that Chris would get came from my inability to serve. 

Chris: This is true. The other sad truth is that most of the points Glenn scored came from my inability to serve. The only game that got to deuce (tied 40-40 after six points) was because I spent the entire game struggling to get the ball inside the lines. In the end, I found my serve enough to go up 5-0 and finished Glenn off in the sixth game. We had originally planned to play best of three sets but due to the carnage and the fact that I’m not sure Glenn would have lasted three sets we called a truce after one.

Glenn: To be fair, we did volley quite a bit in that game fighting for the advantage. But not on a Wimbledon scale.

Chris: Not even on on a grannies playing at the country club scale. 

Glenn: Since it was the last Brawl of the year I felt pretty bad about losing but I was still pretty happy that I managed to beat Chris at one sport. However, playing tennis with Chris reminded me of everything I enjoyed about playing tennis.

Chris: I also really enjoyed playing tennis. I even played a few points with Elizabeth Bucheit after Glenn and I were done. It’s a sport that really is not that hard to play if you have a decent amount of athleticism and could be a good form of exercise for me in the future. I’m just going to need someone to play which reminds me… Glenn won’t be here.

Glenn: Oh yeah. Chris will have to find someone else to face off against next year because I’ll be outta here.

Chris: It’s been a wild ride. We’ve seen the Brawl go from a brainchild without a name about a year ago to basically a test-run in the orientation issue in August (remember when I kicked your butt in H-O-R-S-E, Glenn?) to the first thing people mentioned when I went to do interviews a few issues in. I have to say, I never thought it would get this far.

Glenn: One of the ladies from the Business Office recognized me the other day from the Brawl and several people have admitted that it’s the only thing they read in The Collegian. When we played that first game of H-O-R-S-E I figured the Brawl would be a private joke but I was happy to know that everyone can get behind an athletic sports fan competing against someone who can still recite a majority of the Imperial Navy’s star destroyers circa “Return of the Jedi.”

Chris: Everyone who got that reference, raise your hand. Of course, since this is a newspaper there is no way to count how many people raised their hands, but the number would be the same if we could. Confession time: as much fun as the Brawl has seemed to be for everyone else, it has been a huge pain in my backside most of the year. Glenn and I are notorious procrastinators, and most of these have been completed on deadline for no reason whatsoever. As I write this, it is 10:51 p.m. on Tuesday and I still have another story to write and we have finished a grand total of zero pages. If we did a Brawl for procrastination, it would be a straight push and unlike the other Brawls I don’t think there is anyone on campus that could beat us. 

Glenn: I used to say “I put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastination’” and I stand by that statement. I wrote an English paper in high school titled “how to write an english paper at the last minute about basically nothing and still get an ‘A,’” I got an ‘A’. There’s a brawl that would have been really competitive. 

Chris: If there was one thing that was really difficult about the Brawl (besides getting it done on time), it was finding something competitive. Glenn and I are such different people. That was the reason we came up with it in the first place. While it ended up taking a life of its own, the idea of the Brawl was to show that a sports person (I wouldn’t call myself a jock) and a nerd can be friends. No offense to Glenn, but before I knew him I never would have thought we could develop the friendship that we have. We hit it off from our first week working together, and the rest is Brawl history.

Glenn: And I actually enjoyed playing some of those sports. When Chris and I walked to the tennis courts we talked about playing golf (the most traumatic of these outings) again just for fun. There’s a sentence I never thought I’d write. Chris and I played racquetball for fun that one time and we’ve made plans to play golf together again. Yay for friendship!