Facebook has taken over the world and I have gladly jumped on board. I check my page at least twice a day and if I have homework to do, it’s about ten times that amount. However, I have recently been deleting more and more ‘friends’ because of their annoying statuses and constant jamming of my news feed. I believe that if you have a Facebook, you must follow my “Facebook Status Rules.”

Rule number one: You are only allowed to have one heart, one smiley face, and/or two exclamation marks in a status. NO exceptions. I am so tired of seeing “Can’t wait for tonight!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 <3 <3 <3." It makes me sick, and I'm tired of checking Facebook and then promptly throwing up. It's gross and my roommate can't take it anymore.

Rule number two: You may only have song lyrics on your status 25 percent of the time. That’s 89 days out of the year. That should really be enough. Putting yet another Boys Like Girls song up- “So maybe it’s true, that I can’t live without you, And maybe two is better than one”-is unacceptable. Okay, we get it. You are in love. Likewise, putting yet another La Roux song up-“This time baby I’ll be bulletproof”-is equally annoying. Again, we get it. You broke up.

Rule number three: If you are lucky enough to have a firm grasp on another language, congratulations! I really, honestly, wish I had that skill. However, I don’t want to see your status completely in French every day. It’s annoying and makes you look like an arrogant prick.

Rule number four: if you work every day until five, and then will be with your boyfriend the rest of the night, stop putting it in your status! Not only do I find no joy in watching your life slowly go by in the same exact boring schedule, but if I were a robber, I would know when to go to your house and steal your flat screen TV.

Rule number five: Changing your status every two hours is completely unacceptable. Not only do you look like a loser who sits at his/her computer all day, but you also look like you think people really care about what you are doing. Facebook is for stalking people, not taking an interest in their lives-duh. No one wants a blow-by-blow:

10:00am – “Breakfast then shower then shopping with my mom!!!”

12:00pm – “At the mall shopping… Starbucks? I think so! 🙂 🙂 :)”

2:00pm – “Starbucks was fabulous!!1! Getting in the car to come back from shopping! Don’t worry, I’m putting my seatbelt on now.”

4:00pm – “Putting away all my new clothes!!1! Anyone wanna do something tonight???”

NO! No one wants to do something with you tonight, because you are being so annoying.

If you follow these five simple rules, you may have the privilege of being friends with me on Facebook.