The final installment of The Secret Menu for the semester took a turn for the worse very quickly. News Editor Cody White challenged and kicked my ass in an eating competition involving McDonalds’ latest and greatest menu item: the 50-piece McNugget. Accompanying the 50 nuggets were two large fries and two large beverages, but let’s not get caught up in details.

The challenge was to see who could devour 26 nuggets first. The box of little nuggies was split so both White and I had an equal share with two set aside as the ultimate nuggets. In actuality, those two nuggets were basically the tie breaker in case it came down to it. It did not.

As you can probably see from the photos, this challenge was a true struggle, a test of American grit and determination. I won’t say Cody is more American than me but he sure can choke down a lot of meat.

Despite heckling from our fellow editors, the two of us took the challenge slow and steady. After all, the tortoise did beat the hare. Our advisor, Matt Tullis, was the leader of the hecklers claiming he could eat the same amount of nuggets in half the time it took White – eight minutes and 20 seconds.

We call B.S., but this will be settled early next semester so stay tuned.

Back to the nugget action, I had the brilliant idea early on to eat two nuggets at a time. I was confident in my ability to put down twice what White could until Tullis opened his mouth and made it known to White that I was strategically taking down two at a time. White then jumped on that band wagon and began his demolishing of the defenseless “chicken” nuggets. (I’m not sold that it’s real chicken in there).

As White was finishing his share of the nuggets, I knew there was no chance of me making a comeback. I was a solid ten nuggets behind and I completely forgot to use my honey sauce. FML and fail all in one.

In the end, kudos to White. I enjoy eating crazy menu items, doing so in mass quantities with an audience is not my forte.

“Though I’m proud to have felled my worthy opponent, this isn’t about my victory,” White said. “It is about our embrace of the American Dream: to do something really dumb and get it into print.”

Well put, Cody. America, HELL YES!