Fellow editor Justine Ackerman came into the office with a salad Tuesday night and it made me realize I need to get off this sandwich kick. For this edition of the Secret Menu, I went back to the Eagles’ Nest but this time in search of a salad.

I had high hopes for the Deep Fried Salad but it sadly fell way, way short.

No offense to its maker, it was a tall order (pun intended) considering this thing was huge.

It’s not you, Deep-Fried-Salad Maker, it’s me.

I’m not a huge fan of salads on account of the fact that they suck.

Where’s the meat, the fat, the deliciousness?!

Well, it turns out salads just aren’t meant to be delicious.

The Deep Fried Salad is my proof, since it contains all the delicious amenities with none of the taste.

My instructions were to put jalapeño poppers, potato skins, onion rings, chicken nuggets and quesadilla seasoning on some lettuce and cheese.

The Eagles’ Nest worker must have recognized my love for America by adding mozzarella sticks, cheddar rounds (which are fan-friggan-tastic) and breaded mushrooms for good measure.

For some reason, I neglected to get any type of sauce or dressing, which proved to be the missing link. Rookie mistake on my part, but it’s not the only problem here.

The main problem with the Deep Fried Salad is the fact that I don’t know how to eat the thing.

I mean, look at it. Taking a bite of more than one element of this salad is easier said than done. Try getting a bite of a round onion ring along with a bite of a mozzarella stick while also trying to get a little potato skin and salad in there.

Since I missed out on the dressing, I used my hands but that didn’t work out well either.

If you are thinking you want to try this salad, load up on some dressing and find a way to reduce all the onion rings and potato skins to bite size portions.

If the Deep Fried Salad has bite-sized, deep-fried goodies, get a fork and start shoveling.

As is, the Deep Fried Salad is a D.

Add some dressing and figure out how to effectively eat it and you’re in business.

Looks like I’ll be back on the sandwich kick after spring break.