Is there anything worse than being stuck in a relationship where both sides won’t give in solely because they don’t want to be the side that seemed weak in the end? Well, that’s how Carson Palmer and the Cincinnati Bengals feel right now.

Palmer wants out of the Bengals organization and is willing to do anything to get out of Cincinnati, even if it means retiring; the Bengals organization, especially owner Mike Brown, refuses to let go of its quarterback, blaming him for a lack of commitment to the franchise. With such a standstill, who knows where this is going to end?

Palmer’s position is completely understandable, as the Bengals just aren’t what they once were, like the hot girlfriend that could be everything you’ve ever wanted, that everyone thought would be the “one” and then ended up letting herself go, becoming this crazy, over-controlling, clingy freak that you just can’t get away from fast enough.

The problem is, Palmer is still under contract, and unless the Bengals trade him he’s stuck with them, which is why he continues to talk retirement just to try to get away from the organization. He’s married to the team, and sadly he can’t get the divorce that he wants because the other side refuses to budge.

Palmer isn’t what he used to be: one of the top quarterbacks in the league who had nothing but high hopes for the future. Just two years ago, the Bengals shocked the AFC by going undefeated in the very competitive AFC North Division, earning the nickname “Cardiac Cats” for winning all of their big games in the final minutes. Even though they faltered in the playoffs for the second time in Palmer’s career, the team felt that once again they could be a contender in the NFL.

WRONG. The team stumbled this past season and, while his play at quarterback was measly, Palmer still thinks he can do better elsewhere.

Palmer’s career in Cincinnati will be remembered for his refusal to go back to his team rather than for all the good things he’s done: winning the AFC North title twice, being selected to play in the Pro Bowl twice, and holding several franchise passing records. This offseason has tarnished his reputation forever. All Carson needs to do now is retire and unretire for the next few years so that he can bore the the nation with another Brett Favre-like storyline.

The real villain in this is Mike Brown, who seemingly refuses to trade players for years until he decides to let them go. Chad Ochocinco wanted out for years, although he always played with a smile on his face and publicly stated he loved his team. It took one bad year of Ochocinco being outplayed by Terrell Owens to warrant sending the widely disliked (Chad’s own words) receiver to New England last month.

Brown likes to be in control of his team, and if he puts his foot down on something it takes a lot to have it budge. He’s like the over- bearing but emotional husband that begs his wife to stay and finds a way to keep her around, all the while looking at a much younger woman.

Which raises the question: how does new quarterback Andy Dal- ton feel about all of this? Does he feel like the sleazy 20 year-old that is proud to be the new girl, or does he feel a bit awkward knowing that Mike Brown refuses to let go of his former flame? Does he feel any- thing at all, after the way Ndamu- kong Suh ripped his head off the other day in his first preseason game? I feel for Dalton. We all know the feeling of being stuck in the middle, right?

Let’s just be honest with our- selves; we all want this marriage to end. Mike Brown hasn’t given it his all, and has let the team flounder into what it is now. Palmer once had weapons Chad Ochocinco, T.J. Houshmandzadeh , Rudi Johnson, and Willie Anderson all together in 2005. They have had one winning season since, and Brown hasn’t done a thing about it.

If Brown gave Palmer an offensive line, he would be happy to play for his team. The guy has taken hit after hit for Brown, and Brown refuses to get him some legitimate help. Cedric Benson turned out to be a good idea, but when it happened it was definitely a head scratcher. Palmer could still be a good and useful quarterback in the NFL, just not with cheap and bad ownership.

The pair was once a promis- ing couple with high aspirations to succeed; destined to spend the next decade and a half or so together before Palmer would inevitably have to hang up the pads; the couple that everyone said “they’ll make it”; that everyone loved (or hated) to see because they knew it was such a good fit; that while one was clearly lacking the other could easily pick up the slack to keep them steady. The perfect couple is in disarray, and Palmer can’t leave fast enough while the Bengals are still holding their ground so that there is no way he can leave. Who gives in first?