Is it just me, or has the number of people who have gotten engaged here at Ashland over the past year sky-rocketed? If you’re like me, the ever-present reality of trying to find a significant other (specifically one that you will spend the rest of your life with) becomes a ball of anxiety that could make any 20 something year old college student hide under the covers. It seems that every week or so, somewhere in my Facebook Newsfeed, someone has uploaded their ring finger with the tag-line “I SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Talk about a slap in my single face.

Recently, a book discussing marriage and college students was published, aiming to target women and how they should date in college. Princeton alum, Susan Patton, released a book called “Marry Smart”, that argues that while at college, women should spend 75% of their time looking for a husband and the other 25% focused on their future career.  

In her book, one of the many things she talks about is how she dated a series of men at Princeton and many men after she graduated, but ended up settling down and marrying someone who wasn’t necessarily her soul mate. 

But, because of her “lifelong dream of having children” was coming to a close end, she settled for a man who wasn’t on her normal dating radar.  

Evidently, she married someone who was not a well-rounded Ivy Leaguer.  So are we having a jump back in time to the 18^th/19^th century? Has the priorities of the modern day woman changed? Will marriage now be the main goal of women once they turn 18?

As a pretty motivated 21-year-old woman, the idea of spending 75% of my time at college looking for a husband is down-right insanity.  

I know that I want to make something out of myself (and out of my $100,000 education) by getting into a good career and establishing myself in this world before I settle down. 

Now of course I don’t want to wait until I’m 40 to get married and have a family, but being engaged at 21?! OR EVEN YOUNGER?! 

That freaks me out! It’s bad enough that looking for graduate schools is stressing me out, but planning a wedding?  Definitely not the right time for that. 

While I didn’t read Patton’s book from front to back, I researched some of her reviews, articles, and interviews about her pre-historic dating advice. 

To me, Patton’s book sounds like an episode of Gossip Girl, in which the only adequate men are from either a long line of political royalty or whose father runs a multi-million dollar business. 

While it is not necessarily a bad thing to meet a man with those types of things on his resume, it makes an unrealistic idea that the world is overflowing with Chuck Basses.  

It should not matter what part of social society your lover comes from, whether he is a trust fund baby from the Upper East Side of Manhattan or the son of a coalminer backwoods of West Virginia, if you love each other, that is all that matters.

Patton seems to escape from the idea that it does not matter where or when you meet your soul mate, it is that you meet them period.  

When you meet someone that you care about, nothing else should matter except the thoughts, feelings, and goals of that person. 

The list goes on about what that person should mean to you and the impact that they will have on your life. 

But ultimately, you will make the necessary effort to find your soul mate.

Now, I’m not completely bashing the whole idea of getting engaged and married before you graduate. 

Sure there are enough couples that feel that their relationship is strong enough to take the next step, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to.  

You and your significant other will know when it is the right time, emotionally, mentally, financially, etc.  

At the end of the day, you’re going to want to do what makes you both happy.  My advice, is to be mindful. Be mindful of your relationship, your surroundings, and your future.  

Going with your gut is not always the best decision, especially when it comes to things like engagement.  

Marriage and starting a family is not as much as a ticking time-bomb as many claim it to be.  

You and your significant other (whether he or she exists currently or not) will decide for yourself what life you want to create together. 

Whether it’s getting married early and immediately having kids, getting your degrees then getting married, getting married later and adopting, no kids and no marriage, or any of the many combinations that there may be, you will do what’s best for  the two of you. 

In essence, do you booboo, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.