I remember pieces of what happened on Sept. 11, 2001. I remember Miss Herman, my second grade teacher entering our classroom in the basement of Academy of Saint Bartholomew, telling us this news that changed our lives. It meant my best friend got pulled out of class before we could play football at recess. It meant baseball games would be postponed, and it meant 19 hijackers died to kill 2,977 parents, spouses, colleagues, brothers and sisters, which I couldn’t totally understand at eight years old. I’m not sure I totally understand it at 20, or will ever understand it, will ever fully grasp what it means for so much life to end in one single day. I remember the United States was united then. I knew FDNY and NYPD were the letters of heroes, and I knew it was something special when the Mets finally played again. 

I didn’t see any television news that day, like my little brother did, too young to be in school. He broke the news to my grandma that morning with an innocent statement, “Nana, a plane flew into a building!” I didn’t see any planes in the sky, like my dad did from his job at the Cleveland airport. He couldn’t leave work that day even though every plane was grounded, every flight canceled. I didn’t lose anybody, didn’t know anyone who lost anyone. I don’t know anyone who nearly ended up on the planes that crashed, the planes that changed so much. I don’t have a direct personal connection to the attacks, but I remember nonetheless.

How are we supposed to remember 9/11 13 years later? It is tragic; it is heartbreaking. It drew the country into extended wars in countries most of us can’t point to on a map. We call 9/11 Patriot Day now, but what does that mean? Memorial Day is a day for fallen veterans, Veterans’ Day for all who fought and served. For these days, the date is secondary. We set aside the day to honor a concept, an idea. Patriot Day corresponds with an event, a memorial to those 2,977 who died that day, to the families who lost so much.

How do we commemorate the Pearl Harbor attacks? It’s the closest comparison to the 9/11 attacks. Surprise attacks, death, life put on hold. Congress was one vote shy of unanimously declaring war against Japan. Imagine that kind of unity today, with the national divide growing by the day. We had unity after the 9/11 attacks. Again, a sole vote stood against war, a stark reminder of how long 13 years can be.

Thirteen years isn’t so long, though. One World Trade Center has not opened. The hole in the New York skyline, like a child missing two front teeth, has not fully healed. Osama bin Laden was killed, but should one more life taken make any of us feel better about this? It is still fresh in our collective mind. The smoke, the collapsing tower, the fallen beams forming a cross and the flag raised above the rubble. We see these images in our mind in color. We knew where we were when we heard the news. The attack is still memory, not history. Yet today, 70 years after the attack, December 7 passes by silently, as silently as these attacks began. When will 9/11 fade from memory? 

Until then, how do we treat this day? We celebrate Memorial Day with burgers and beer, and that day honors hundreds of thousands of veterans killed in combat. Veterans’ Day honors millions who served, who lived or died, yet the day passes largely without ceremony. Pearl Harbor is nearly forgotten. Is it a day of mourning? A day to celebrate our nation? Or is it simply another day, a day with a historical footnote, a day where 2,977 lost their lives, yet life carries on uninterrupted for anyone not directly affected. In 2001, I felt like everything would change. Now, I wonder if anything will.